ok, it's been so long since the last time i updated this blog that i forgot my password and had to go through the whole password changing process...that's pathetic. so, my bad...i'm still getting into the hang of this...
for those of you who know about my recent move from "the nest," things have been going really well. so far i've been enjoying the space and greater independence but i don't wanna say too much yet, lest six months from now i'm having to swallow my words...suffice to say, so far, so good! :) it's been a stretch as far as responsibility with things like budgeting (before it looked something like this: tithe, offering, manicure, pedicure, cute new shirt, credit so i can call all my friends, lunch out....now it's changed to this: tithe, offering, rent, food, water, new cheap nail polish so i can do it myself at home, credit to sms all my friends, peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my packed lunch) :) ok it's not that bad...but joining the ranks of normal people who actually have to do more with their money than play with it...well, it's been an adjustment but hey, i'm growing up. finally.
to be honest, this weird season that i've been in for what feels like a very long time can only be described like this...
being the girly girl that i am, i like wearing makeup. i like doing makeup for other ladies...it's something i enjoy and even tho i wish i was one of those girls who could just wash my face and go with that fresh faced look, the reality is that a little concealer and powder goes a long way with me! ;) but herein lies the problem...sometimes i can get so used to how my face looks with all the little imperfections covered up by concealer, that when i see the "just washed" me...well, i'm not comfortable with it. i want to look perfect. i want to look flawless.
let's just say, in the spiritual, i'm having to look in the mirror without the makeup on. things are being exposed and uncovered...things that i've applied my "spiritual makeup" to...i've concealed the flaws and imperfections to the outside world. of course i know they're there, but i can fool my friends or family or those i'm leading into thinking this is the real me (for a time anyway, because like natural makeup, it'll start to fade after awhile, and i either have to cover up again or risk being seen)...sadder still, i can start to believe myself that it's the real me. but God, in His love, is washing off the makeup and putting me in front of the mirror...and i'm seeing myself for who i am.
God is not mean. He's not exposing the imperfections to make me feel bad or ugly. instead, He's saying, "instead of using the concealer, let's deal with where this problem is coming from so you don't have to keep covering it up...so you can BE beautiful and clean, not just look it..."
i'm on this medication right now for scarring acne...this is the MOTHER of medicines...it's so powerful that it'll deform a baby in the womb (my single-ness is coming in handy at a time like this). like God, this medicine is dealing with everything from the inside out...instead of concealing the blemish with makeup, it's going to the subcutaneous layers and finding the problem and knocking it right out. well, it's supposed to. i'll keep you updated. :)
i recently heard someone say, "the situation is not the problem...the situation is exposing the problem." so often i pray for God to change my situation...i'm learning to pray for God to change me. situations will be bad from now till Jesus comes back. the question is, how am i responding and handling them? what is the situations exposing? it's not that person who's making me angry...they are only exposing my lack of controlling my temper. it's not that i need more money...it's just being exposed that i'm not a good steward of the money i have...
anyway, i could go on and on...but to sum it up, i'm looking in the mirror at a face that kind of embarrasses me cuz it's not what i want to look like. but thanks be to God, who in His loving kindness, is showing me who i am so that i can see the area's that need to be dealt with - not just covered up.
think of judgment day as the day that we all wash our faces...what we really are will be seen, not what we let others believe we are. whether we just concealed the problem, or dealt with it will be seen.
deal with me now, Lord...cleanse me from the inside out...
p.s. and for those gentlemen out there who may be single, i'm not really THAT ugly without makeup... just using it as an illustration! ;)
